My story of courage, healing, and coming home to myself.
Last Christmas was nothing like the ones I grew up with, and in many ways, it became the most important one of my life. Christmas has always been a special occasion for us: family gathered together, grandparents laughing in the background, a home full of warmth and tradition. I had a good upbringing, and for a long time I believed the way things were was ‘simply’ normal.
It wasn’t until after my Dad passed in 2012 that I began to sense something wasn’t right in my relationship with my Mum. The shift was subtle at first, but over time the patterns became unavoidable. The walking on eggshells. The emotional undercurrents. The sense that love came with conditions. It was early into 2024 that I allowed myself to finally acknowledge and name what had been happening for so long, narcissistic behaviour that had quietly shaped far more than I ever realised.
When I stood up for myself, everything shifted. The rest of the family reacted in a way many do when long standing roles are interrupted, they close ranks. One by one, they pulled away. It hurt deeply, but it also made something very clear: I was no longer willing to abandon myself to maintain a version of family that wasn’t healthy for me.
As December arrived, so did the realisation that I would be spending Christmas on my own. At first, it felt heavy, lonely even. Society tells us what Christmas ‘should’ look like, and my reality didn’t match it. But after some reflection, a powerful truth settled in:
‘Christmas is just a day with a name. Its meaning is ours to define.’
And so, I chose to redefine it for myself.
I created the gentlest, most nourishing Christmas I’d ever had. I made food I loved, went for a lovely countryside walk. wrapped myself in warmth, soft blankets, candlelight, watched Christmas movies. I journaled. I rested. I let myself feel everything without forcing it to be anything else. I showed myself the love I’d spent a lifetime giving away so freely.
It wasn’t lonely. It was liberating.
Looking back now, that day stands as a moment of pure resilience and hope. The day I realised I could build something beautiful from within, even in the quiet. The day I chose myself and felt the strength that choice carried.
If you’re reading this and you’re torn between obligation and intuition.. If this season looks different for you, or if you’re navigating family dynamics that feel heavy or confusing, please remember this:
You’re allowed to do what’s right for you. You’re allowed to create your own traditions.
You’re allowed to choose peace, even when others don’t understand.
Sometimes the most transformative moments happen when everything falls away and you meet yourself fully, honestly, tenderly, bravely. That’s where real healing begins.
Journal Prompt.
Find a quiet moment and explore this:
‘What would a holiday or special occasion look like if I designed it entirely around what I need, value, and deserve? What emotions arise when I imagine giving myself full permission to honour that?’
Write freely. Your truth will guide you. For more journal prompts, guidance and advice please contact me 👉 here Contact
With Love, Heather x